Possible reasons why I am not following you on Twitter

I looked at a page’s worth of your Tweets and didn’t see anything there that caught my interest.

You’re pretty interesting, but your content niche is already being filled to my satisfaction by someone else that I’m currently following.

You use Twitter exclusively as a chat room, and your responses don’t stand by themselves.

You post so frequently that it makes it hard to for me to read other people’s feeds.

You have referred to a woman as a “whore”.

You use caps. A lot.

You provide links so we can Digg your latest blog post. A lot.

You have an unsettling degree of enthusiasm for your job, which leads me to believe that you will someday snap and kill your clients/co-workers.

You make a public announcement whenever someone stops following your feed, singling them out by name. See above re: eventual mass-murder spree.

You are a rich, heterosexual, white man who’s complaining about being discriminated against. Shut up, honky.

You are a fictional character. Seriously, why do people continue to feel the need to respond to your attacks? She is a goddamn fictional character, people. It’s like you’re arguing with Triumph the Insult Comic Dog.